He got the job. He's moving in. I'm so fucking happy.

I am not used to being happy. I am not used to smooth sailing as they call it. It's like I am finally myself and I have everything I want.

But still... something is missing.

Now I've got it.

PAIN.

I am missing the pain. The crying, waiting by the phone, blaring sad songs, and moping around in big sweatshirts. Why do I want it so much? What did it ever do for me but make me miserable? I thought I was picking fights for no reason but in actuality I AM picking them for a reason. Anger and Sadness need something to do. They need to be heard. They need to be nursed back to health.

Is he not the right one if he doesn't make me cry?

depressed. I have every reason in the world to be happy right now.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I am not sorry.

How is it possible that I feel nothing? Not remorse, not sadness, not empathy. Nothing.

I am not sorry.

I can still listen to the same music, read the same books, watch the same movies. Go to the same places, wear the same clothes. Make the same jokes, sing the same songs.

I am not sorry.

It doesn't hurt. And it's not that I don't think of you, but it's like everything for the last two and a half years was a blur. Like what is right now is right, it means something. What was then was wrong.

I am not sorry.

Sorry.

Lollilop is such a gross song. But I love it, man. I have had it on repeat the last three days. It's ridiculous.

I'ma hit it, hit it like I can't miss.

Damn I wish I could dance.

Remember the first summer we were together. I miss that. We couldn't talk until 11 each night. So we stayed up until 7 each morning. We are probably the only people who really, truly get the full benefit of "nights and weekends". I slept until 3 each day. Layed out on the deck and listened to John Mayer and daydreamed about you. Life was simple then wasn't it. I miss that. I miss you.

-meghan

I'm bored and I don't feel like doing any of my homework.

The Favorites, Have-You-Evers.. and Last Times! Oh, the variety!
What is your favorite..
gum:	TMJ
restaurant:	applebee's
drink:	diet barqs
season:	fall
type of weather:	rainy, cloudy
emotion:	laughing, pensive
thing to do on a half day:	nap with sam
late-night activity:	talking on the phone with sam
sport:	football
city:	atlanta
store:	tj maxx
When was the last time you..
cried:	last week
played a sport:	ha...
laughed:	few minutes ago. I laugh a lot.
hugged someone:	today
kissed someone:	January 5th :-(
felt depressed:	Thursday
felt elated:	January 5th
felt overworked:	all the time
faked sick:	it's been awhile
lied:	today
What was the last..
word you said:	sweet pea
thing you ate:	sherbie!
song you listened to:	Wait Til Tomorrow
thing you drank:	milk
place you went to:	WPES
movie you saw:	ATONEMENT
movie you rented:	Little Children
concert you attended:	DRH
Who was the last person you..
hugged:	Marcia
cried over:	Carmen
kissed:	Sam
danced with:	Reagan :-)
shared a secret with:	Shante'
had a sleepover with:	?
called:	Sam
went to a movie with:	Sam
saw:	Amanda
were angry with:	DRH haha
couldn't take your eyes off of:	JM  in a thong
obsessed over:	Mayer
Have you ever..
danced in the rain:	sure
kissed someone:	oh yes
done drugs:	only prescription
drank alcohol:	yes
slept around:	never
partied 'til the sun came up:	not my style
had a movie marathon:	tv series marathon
gone too far on a dare:	no
spun until you were immensely dizzy:	sure
taken a survey quite like this before:	sure

       

 

   



   


  

  

with your own eyes...

More to come.

So I'm siting in class bored out of my freaking mind. We have a guest speaker today talking about differentiation. I am a senior. I learned this stuff about three years ago. She is warning us that if we do not differentiate for students the ones who are above level will be bored. EXACTLY, I'm bored!

But anyways, I finished the first season of 24 last night. Wowzers. That was intense. Because I am too cheap and usually not home during prime time hours, I do not have cable. Instead I watch my favorite TV shows on DVD. I have a rotation which goes something like this:
The Office (1-3), The OC (1-3), Friends (1-10), Grey's Anatomy (1-3), CSI: Miami (1-5), Sex and the City (1-6), Dirt (1). Now I have added 24 to the mix to keep things interesting. I can usually only watch a movie one time unless it is really great (not counting Disney movies; those are timeless). However, I can watch my favorite TV shows over and over and over.

Okay now we are blowing cotton balls, toothpicks, and puzzle pieces across our desks... totally not kidding. Whatever this metaphor is supposed to be, I'm not getting it.



John says bye.

-meg

My boyfriend just came to visit for a week. He's the most important person in my world.
Phipp's Plaza

My Apartment

Olive Garden

Today's a good day. BodyPlex opens, I get out of class at 4, I graduate in less than four months, and there's only 5 more months until he's here for good!